Dilemma of Change: An Excerpt

Here is an excerpt from the notes on Change: 

Because change is inevitable, we oftentimes work harder at resisting and fighting the inevitable, rather than growing through it and becoming stronger people, we use all of our strength to fight and resist. The strongest trees don’t resist growing, but dig their roots deeper to handle the strain of the storm. All their strength is used to drive their roots deeper and wider. This way the tree is able to so stay the vertical growth course by their roots, versus using all their strength to fight the buffeting of the storm. The tree cannot change the storm.

When we try to control/mitigate the storms of life, we then allow the pain that stress and loss brings to activate our defense mechanisms. These usually manifest as avoidance, resistance, control, aggression, disassociation, intellectualization, numbing, and/or manipulation. These defense mechanisms were created by us, not God, to "protect" ourselves. Although these defenses may have helped us survive our life (those stressors and changes), they did not help us to thrive. Conversely, they become more counterproductive and outdated. This simply means that the defense mechanism, which was once necessary for survival; has now become ineffective and inappropriate. Consequently, that defense (that at one time protected me from toxic stress/pain/loss) ends up creating more stress while increasing loss. Generally, because the defense mechanisms begin to create the very problems we were defending against, i.e. you married your mother/father/sister/brother/first spouse, etc.

This is why I began to say: “Every loss has a gain, and every gain has a loss”. If you look at the above changes, what losses may they incur? What possible gains may these changes produced, ie. the addition of a new baby? Wow, what a very special and wonderful gain, but, they is now the loss of time, freedom, and the attachment to a person that has the potential to bring great joy as well as great pain.

What about the death of a person that struggled with a terrible illness, whether it be mental or physical? The loss of a job? The loss of a relationship (even if I ended it)? 


For the conclusion and solutions to dealing with change, please tune Sundays to Conversations with Cinthia on FaithTalk KPXQ1360 at 4PM MST.